Tag Archives: stress

Hanging by my Hair, Part 2. This Time, it’s Metaphoric.

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As most of us do, we expect our big life moments to turn out a certain way, through a specific series  of events, and without a hitch. Unfortunately, nothing is ever that simple.

Lately, I’ve felt like I did on that zip line in Nicaragua, like I am hanging on by my hair.

It is now 20 days until the day I leave for Costa Rica. In the past 60 days, I made the decision to change my entire way of life, sold two yoga studios, found a home for my cats, sold almost all of my furniture, found a few jobs in different parts of the world, and my new roommate found us a place to live. In the next 3 weeks I have to prepare my taxes, move into my grandparents so I can clean up my apartment, spend a weekend in Canada, take my cats to their new home, continue to teach and see private clients, have a few more going away parties, have a few more business meetings, and pack for the next 3 months of my life in Costa Rica. 

Yes, some days it feels like I’m hanging on by my hair in all ways good and stressful. 

In addition, there’s been interesting reactions from others I’ve shared my news with.Those who I had expected a negative reaction from were some of the most supportive, and someone I had thought was one of my best friends ended our supposed friendship for good.

Then there’s the strangers’ reactions.  Most get very excited and want to know how to follow along in any way they can, and a very rare few have said something negative.

The other day I phoned my car insurance representative and told him what I was doing, wanting to know what the best way was to handle my insurance. He replied with a somber sounding, “Ya, well the world’s a scary place. I appreciate the United States.”
Hey Mr. Downer, I do too, but I’m not going to let your experience influence mine. I called about insurance, not a dose of negativity!

Last week, after meeting a nice girl in a parking lot to sell some of my belongings, I received a message from her.
“The second I met you I had an overwhelming feeling that I needed to pray with you. Weird. I will have you know that my children and I prayed for your safe travels and my entire church will be praying for you tomorrow. I don’t usually tell strangers that, but for some reason I think you will get it. Lord, please lay your protecting hands around this vibrant soul. Let your light shine through her in her new journey. May her belly and heart always be full. God bless you in your new life.”
That was a beautiful surprise and gift.

Overall, I’ve been surprised at some of the reactions I’ve received, good and fear based, but of those reactions, mine were the most surprising to me. When my furniture sold I felt lonely. I’ve since equated that lonely feeling with the emotions that come along with leaving one life behind to start an unfamiliar new life. There’s been so much heartache and sadness about the friend who I thought for sure would’ve been supportive but wasn’t, and so much joy about the ones I didn’t expect to hear from but did. 

I’m very blessed to have so many loving and supportive people in my life that I can’t find the time to see each one individually before I leave, and to have so many wonderful clients that I am starting to book them for my visits home.  I know that I am blessed and I am always in gratitude for whatever is happening, because I know from my past that each experience is another chance to learn.  Yes, I know all of these things, however, I am human.  I will be completely honest in admitting that I am exhausted! I battle between fitting in another “date” or getting much needed sleep.  They idea of adding one more thing to my schedule, and it could be as simple as paying a bill online, can both invigorate me and bring me to tears simultaneously.

I realized recently I can continue to “hang”, or I can do something about it. So to cope with the anxiety, excitement, joy and sadness, I’ve turned to what saved my life in the recent past.  Yoga, Reiki, a healthy diet, good friends and family, and every chance I can, I call on God and my angels to help out.

I wake up at 5:00 am to take a yoga class before the sun comes up, because I know it will set me on the right track mentally for the rest of my day.  I box to burn off the anxiety, I write to keep my heart open and to heal it, and I take it one day at a time.

I have a feeling that I won’t feel like I’ve released my hair from the rope completely until I am sitting on the balcony of my condo in Costa Rica, taking a breath, and laughing with my new roommate about all of this. That said, I am at peace with knowing that sometimes we have to hang by our hair in order to shake off the old with appreciation for the lessons learned, and make room for the new. 

Everything is unfolding just as it should.

The Power of Pigeon

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pigeon

Pigeon Pose, or Eka Pada Rajakapotasana in Sanskrit for my yogis, used to be my absolute favorite pose to get into.  I could lay on the floor with my head turned to one side and  completely let go of life’s troubles.

For the last two years or so I’ve struggled with my once favorite asana.  I thought I was injured, so I saw doctors, chiropractors, naturopaths, massage therapists, I tried resting it and I tried pushing. I even tried reiki.  Nothing helped.  I surrendered to the idea that Pigeon and I were through. It was sad, but we would find new loves.

Over the past several months I’ve found myself a couple of new yoga teachers in Cleveland.  These two were patient, supportive, and new how to massage my muscles in just the right way, for just the right amount of time to get me to the floor once again.  In my Sunday classes, my mini vacation from life, I’d have a big emotional release of breath and tears on the way down.   One day it hit me, I’m not injured.  If I was injured I’d not be able to get there and stay there.  I was full of stress and anxiety.  My hips stayed tight because I was doing everything I could to hang on.  With a loving touch and patience, and that calming, reassuring male voice behind me, I LET GO.

I thought that since I knew what the problem was I’d be able to get in the pose without the help of an assist.  I was wrong.

A few weeks later I went to an intensive training with the very special, Seane Corn.  Seane brings God into her practice and classroom, and I felt a wave of relief and heavenly support when she’d open class with a prayer and end it with one too.  She’d take us through a 2-3 hour hot, slow flow vinyasa, always working us into a pigeon by the end .  On the last day of that training, broken down, wide open, ready to receive and let go of everything and anything, I collapsed into Pigeon, sobbing.  The reasons for my anxiety exploded from my hips and heart and into head. I realized that I had to change my life.  I did not work this hard, thus far, to be back in the same place I started in.  In that same moment Seane spoke to the me.  She was teaching a class of about 100 people, but she spoke to ME, and later confirmed that message from spirit in a private conversation.   I wish to God I could remember her exact words, but I received what I was meant to and something in me shifted that day.

It was less than one month later that I went to Nicaragua to teach yoga on a life coaching retreat.

When I came home, I told my family and friends that I had decided to stop fighting my desire to be free, to travel, and to meet, teach, and learn from more people around the world.  It felt goooooooood.  

I felt good.  I felt ready, relieved, happy, excited, healthier, stronger and at peace, like never before.  It felt like my whole being said, “Finally! what took you so long, Lisa?!”, as if this is what I was meant to do, here for, and deserved for all my hard work.

It was a month before I took my next yoga class with one of my favorite teachers back home. She put us into pigeon without warming us up first and i thought, “NO WAY. Not gonna happen.”

I not only was able to find pigeon, but i melted right into my mat without a pain, grimmace, or fear.  I sat up immediately with a huge smile on my face! “That was it!”, I thought.  I was so excited I wanted to tell the whole classroom! I heard the message right away.  I had to drop the baggage, the stress and anxiety caused by the unnecessary pressures I had accumulated over the past few years.  I had made a CHOICE, took back my life, and let go of the excess.

Since that day, I’ve only had pain in pigeon when I’m not breathing, or staying in the present.  My fellow yogis understand the emotional affects of yoga asana (poses). For those of you who don’t practice yoga, trust us, try it, and see what you can let go of in order to find your peace and truth.  It’s so worth it.